You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
