but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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