you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
