did you get engaged???
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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