She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Please don't give away my fajitas
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