If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
