Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize