I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
