she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
