Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
