I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
