just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
