i permit you to call me
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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