The maid of honor just puked.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I want her autograph on my taint
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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