my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
