these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
