I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
