Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
