Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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