I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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