Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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