It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
As shirtless as possible
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
