laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
