Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
