Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
