Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
