Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
