god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
