i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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