But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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