The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I believe in your delicious
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
