In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
