you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
