I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Did I show you my penis last night?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
