3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
