We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
