I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
