I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
