i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
