Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just pee around me
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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