Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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