I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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