walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
