Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
