I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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