did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
