even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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