Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
