if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
