why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
kristin has been a bad kristin
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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