if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come share oat with me in your robe
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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