Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
