I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
