I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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