i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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