i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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