Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
