the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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