After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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