Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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