woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
