You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
not ubering you a puppy
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
