Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
