Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
