fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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