Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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