my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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