Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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