I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
