I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
