I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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