Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
