I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We're too hungover to prance.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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