When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
