I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
