you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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