thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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