kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
The ass gains better be worth it
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