the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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