Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
