I bet he comes in French.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
