My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
