Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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