I wish I could teleport
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
