kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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