i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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